A Commitment that Requires a Guarantee is not a Commitment By G. Scott Graham

Thanks To G. Scott Graham for permission to use this article for People On Dating. 

It’s February 15, 4 o’clock in the morning. The world outside is dark and cold here in Vermont, and I am awake, thinking about commitment.

Fitting, I suppose, that these thoughts come the day after Valentine’s Day — a day draped in hearts. Hearts on cards, hearts in windows, hearts wrapped in ribbons and chocolate boxes. But if love had a truer emblem, it wouldn’t be a heart. It would be a knot.

A knot, when tied with care, is strong, enduring, unbreakable. And commitment — true commitment between two people — is exactly that. It is not a fleeting emotion or a momentary passion. It is the invisible thread that binds two souls, two promises, two lives into something that holds fast.

Yesterday, I found myself making a declaration to the man I love: a commitment that requires a guarantee is not a commitment at all.

Think about it.
If we only take a class when we’re certain we’ll pass, that’s not commitment.
If we only train when we’re sure we’ll win the race, that’s not commitment.
If we only start a business when success is guaranteed, that’s not commitment.

Those are transactions — arrangements made with safety nets and escape clauses.

But real commitment exists for its own sake. It stands independent of rewards, of certainties, of comfortable assurances. The people we admire most — the ones who inspire us — commit without conditions. They don’t wait to see if success is guaranteed. They don’t hedge their bets. They simply say, I am all in.

For 31 years, I was in a relationship that embodied this truth. My late husband, Brian Stephens, and I lived by those words: I am all in.

Not “I am all in as long as it’s easy.”
Not “I am all in unless something better comes along.”
Not “I am all in, but only if I get exactly what I expect.”

Just — I am all in.

Because that’s what true commitment is. It takes vulnerability to make such a promise. It takes courage to live without guarantees. It requires trust — not in certainty, but in the strength of the commitment itself.

Because, in the end, commitment isn’t about what it gets us. It’s about who we become because of it.

Jim Rohn once said:
“The major reason for setting a goal is for what it makes of you to accomplish it. What it makes of you will always be the far greater value than what you get.”

Commitment transforms us. It shapes our character, our resilience, our depth.

So — who do we become when we fully commit?

A person of integrity, whose word is a bond, unshaken by circumstance.
A person of action, who doesn’t just dream but builds, creates, and follows through.
A person who persists, not because success is guaranteed, but because giving up is not an option.
A person who becomes stronger, not because the path is easy, but because they refuse to walk away.

In 1984, I had the most powerful experience of my life: an Outward Bound course in the Florida Everglades. The experience not only shaped my career but became a lighthouse in my life, a guiding force.

Outward Bound’s motto is:
“To Serve, to Strive, and Not to Yield.”

Taken from Tennyson’s Ulysses, these words hold profound meaning:
To serve is to give, to sacrifice, to stand for something greater than oneself.
To strive is to push forward, to pursue a goal with relentless determination.
To not yield is to persist, to endure, to triumph — not because it’s easy, but because it’s worth it.

This was the mindset I brought to my  relationship with Brian.

Ours was not a love held together by passion. It wasn’t our interest of Star Trek or our commitment to animal rescue that made it last. It was the unwavering, quiet vow between us:

To stand beside each other. Always.

Brian had my back — not because he had to, not because I asked, but because that’s who he was. No conditions. No hesitations. No exceptions.

And I had his.
That is who I was.
That is who I am.

In a world that shifts and falters, where so much is fleeting and uncertain, that certainty — that someone has your back — is everything. It is the weight that anchors you in life’s storms. It is the force that carries you forward.

Commitment is what made our love enduring.
Commitment is what made our love powerful.

Yet today, commitment often feels like a relic, replaced by convenience and comfort.

Too often, people choose what is effortless over what is enduring.
Too often, they mistake temporary happiness for something unbreakable.

But commitment is not effortless. It is not soft, nor simple, nor easy.
It is the choice to stay when leaving would be simpler.
To hold on when the world says let go.
To stand — not just in the light of love, but in the shadows of sorrow, in the depths of struggle, in the quiet spaces where words are no longer needed.

To be truly committed — to a person, a purpose, a life shared — is to weave something unshakable.
Not because it’s easy. But because it matters.

And in a world that trades depth for distraction, that kind of devotion is more precious than ever.

So here’s my invitation to you:
Stand apart.
Build.
Create.
Lead.
Inspire.

Commitment is not about being perfect. It is about showing up. It is about staying true. It is about pushing forward when most would quit.

If you want to change your life, your business, your relationships — start here.
Commit fully. No half-measures. No hesitation.
Just full, unwavering dedication.

Because in the end, commitment isn’t just what you do —
It’s who you become.

And that transformation?
That is the ultimate reward.

That is the guarantee: you will become someone extraordinary.